les Therapy

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Couples seeking therapy will have complaints such as;

Infidelity, feeling distant, lacking in intimacy, verbal abuse, stress, financial conflict, ambivalence about being in the relationship, dealing with differences, lacking in attention, sexual difficulties, jealousy and difficulties tolerating independence.

These issues often result in dynamics and patterns that the couple have created to cope with these difficulties. These behaviours are ways the individual protects himself or herself but in so doing, creates more distance and barriers to intimacy.

We have to learn to love well.

Relationships are developmental. In other words when we start out our relationships have an immature quality and we have to learn the skills for a more mature relationship. Think of relationships you may have had when you were a teenager vs in your 20's and perhaps older. So what is the difference between an immature relationship and a more mature relationship?

Immature relationships are ones where you are looking to each other for happiness or reassurance. There is more of an obsessive quality to them and a lack of distinction bewteen you. These are relationships where you may feel exhausted and or drained by the relationship rather than the feeling that you can achieve more because of it.

Mature relationships have an ease with coming and going in the relationship. Both individuals are responsible for themselves. There is honesty even if it is not what the other may want to hear. Both partners are contributing to maintaining and nurturing the relationship.

When I work with couples or individuals I am interested in helping you to move towards more maturity and there are three main ways I do this

First; devloping a clear picture of each person's experience and position to the problem you are experiencing together.

A large part of the difficulty in relationships is the communication. What this comes down to is not effectively getting across your message to each other. Quite often you are not that clear yourself. So a good deal of time in therapy is making sure we have identified what you are trying to say to each other. This can sometimes make all the difference.

Second; we explore the patterns and sensitivities you have to each other that you get stuck in.

This is often where couples go into blaming each other for their reactions and feelings. Sensitivities relate to the experiences that you bring into the relationship, where you have been hurt or let down, so making you 'sensitive' to the possibility that could happen again. It is important that you learn about each other's sensitivities and the ways you behave as a result so that you can become less reactive and unconscious when they come up between you. From here you can develop an ongoing dialogue that you can learn about your relationship and yourself.

Third; Understand that both partners are making a contribution to the difficulties.

This is hard for individuals to understand. Often when couples come into therapy at first they either see themselves to blame or their partner. Through the course of couples counselling you will learn about contribution versus blame and learn to incorporate your struggles into your relationship rather than avoid them.

For years I experienced overwhelming fears that prevented me from making any kind of commitment to my girlfriend. I felt absolutely stuck, continuously getting closer and further apart, closer and further apart...and I felt frustrated...so I decided to get the help of a counselor. Delyse helped me through individual counseling and helped me and my partner in counseling sessions as a couple. With Delyse's help, I was able to make great progress in discovering and experiencing the root cause of my fears and to eventually dissolve my fears to the point where I was able to make the commitment I actually wanted. My girlfriend also discovered fears of her own and was then able to address them! We are now married and truly enjoy a deeper level of intimacy and honesty. We are also new parents to a brand new baby boy! I highly recommend Delyse as a counselor who has the experience, insight and approach to help with the problems of an individual or couple." - Keith, Vancouver, BC

CALL NOW! to make an Appointment 604 329 6006.

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